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After Michigan coach Bo Schembechler
passes away and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him
on a tour. He shows Bo a little two bedroom house with
a faded UM banner hanging from the front porch. This
is your home now coach. Most people don't get their
own house up here God exclaims.
Bo looked at the house, then turns around and looks
at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge two-story
mansion with white marble columns and little patios
under all the windows.
Ohio state flags line both sides of the sidewalk with
a huge scarlet and grey OSU banner hanging between the
marble columns.
Thanks for the home God, but let me ask you a question.
I get this little two bedroom house with a faded UM
Michigan banner, and Woody Hayes gets a mansion with
new OSU banners and flags flying all over the place.
Why is that God?
God looks at him seriously for a moment then replies
"That's not Woody's house, That's mine"!!!!!!! |
| Four college alumni were climbing a
mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad,
a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed
to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one
of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to
argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they
reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself
off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting
Irish!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out
done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain
proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing
this the OSU grad walked over and shouted "This is for
the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side
of the mountain. |
A highly recruited high school football
player was visiting schools to try and find the best
college for him. His first stop was at Miami. When he
got
there, Larry Coker immediately picked up a golden telephone.
After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you,
God," and hung up.
This shocked the young man. He asked the coach what
was so special about the golden phone.
"Well, this phone is a direct line to God. And God tells
us whether or not new recruits would be stars at our
university.
The athlete asked if he could use the phone to ask God
what college he should pick
"Sure, you can! But it's going to cost you $1,000. Calling
Heaven ain't cheap."
The fellow didn't have that kind of money, so he moved
along.
His next stop was Michigan. Upon entering Lloyd Carr's
office, Coach Carr immediately picked up a golden telephone.
After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you,
God" and hung up.
The boy said, "Hey, I've seen those phones before. Can
I use yours to call God and ask what college I should
pick?" Lloyd said, "Sure, but it's going to cost you
$750. Calling Heaven isn't cheap.."
Again, not having that kind of money, the lad left.
His last stop was in Columbus, Ohio. Upon arrival at
the office, Coach Tressel picked up a golden telephone,
talked to God, and said, "Thanks," and hung up.
The boy just had to use that phone, so he said, "Coach,
I really need to use that golden telephone so I can
call God and ask him which college I should choose.
From Florida it was going to cost me $1000. From Michigan
they wanted $750. So how much will it cost me to call
Heaven from here in Columbus?"
The coach smiled and said, "Nothing, Son. It's a local
call." |
A guy in a bar leans
over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a
Michigan joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that
joke, you should know something.
I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan alumni.
The guy sitting next to me is 6 ' 2" tall, weighs 225,
and he's a Michigan alumni.
The fella next to him is 6 ' 5" tall, weighs 250, and
he's a Michigan alumni.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "NAH, not if I'm gonna have to explain
it THREE times." |
A farmer outside of Ann Arbor was working
his cattle one day when he heard faint music coming
from nearby. After hunting about for a time, he discovered
the sound was loudest near one particular calf, and
was even louder near the calf's tail. Putting his head
close to the calf's hind end, he heard the University
of Michigan's fight song
Amazed, he put the calf in the truck and drove the animal
to a vet in Ann Arbor. When the vet asked him what was
going on, the farmer told him. The vet wen t around
behind the calf and gave a listen. He casually agreed
he heard the University of Michigan's fight song but
didn't seem particularly excited.
"Man, this is unbelievable! How can you stand there
and not be amazed?" the farmer asked. The vet, a third
generation Ohio State University graduate, said, "Hell,
Bud, I'm a Buckeye and I've been listening to assholes
sing that song my whole life." |
| Go North till you smell it and West
till you step in it. You just found U of M. Clean your
shoes off after the games. |
A first grade teacher
explains to her class that she is a Michigan fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are
Michigan fans too.
Not really knowing what a Michigan fan was, but wanting
to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the
air.
There is, however, one exception. A little girl named
Jane has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher
asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a Michigan fan" she reports. "Then,"
asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm a proud Ohio State Buckeye Fan" the girl said!
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly
red. She asks Jane why she is an Ohio State Fan?
"Well, my Dad and Mom are Buckeye fans, so I'm a Buckeye
fan, too," she responds. The teacher is angry now. "That's
no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a
moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be
then?"
Jane smiles and says, "Then I'd be a Michigan fan." |
One foggy night,
a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and
a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor.
While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other
head-on, mangling both cars.
The Michigan fan
manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage.
He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm
lucky to be alive!"
Likewise,
the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he
too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Wolverine
fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, "Hey,
man, I think this is a sign that we should put away
our petty differences and live as friends instead
of being rivals."
The Buckeye fan
thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're
absolutely right! We should be friends. In
fact, I'm going to see if something else survived
the wreck."
The Buckeye fan
then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged
bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wolverine,
"I think this is another sign- we should toast to
our newfound friendship." The Wolverine fan
agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down
half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back
to the Buckeye fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Buckeye fan
calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws
the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the
river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for
the cops to show up."
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